Most people spend their lives longing for things that are superficial. A nice car, a big house, tours around the world etc. But there are also people who have all these things, but still are unable to attain happiness. I guess we would never really know what makes us truly happy unless we find the primary so-called dreams of ours come true. That’s when we realize that it really is not what we need. It’s just what we WANT. Yes, we live in a material world where the demands of society are so high to be able to fit in or be respected or at the least, be noticed. But in the long run, when you have a personal triumph to share, you would want to be with someone you truly love that will appreciate your winning moments no matter how small or irrelevant they are to others. We don’t realize it, but we focus so much on reaching our “want” goals that we lose sight on keeping our “needs”.

What we all need is happiness. Some find it in going to third world countries and helping the poor, the sick or the hungry. Though they go alone, without any loved ones, they find contentment there. One mother may find it in just merely having her kids beside her every day. A man may find peace and comfort in his church and that is enough for him. A woman once said, “I want a happy home, then my life will be complete”. So she then settled down with a guy, had kids, bought a house, a car and even had a good career. It seemed that everyone around her was happy but not her. What she really needed was to be happy herself. For this woman, her happiness lies in the arms of a partner that will tell her that she is enough for him. Someone who would drop what he is doing just to answer her call. One whose world would revolve around her like hers would revolve around him. One who would be by her side till her last days with their children when she’s old and wrinkly and still hears that she’s beautiful to him.

We all have our own unique happiness. But remember, happiness is contentment. It means, feeling like you can’t ask for anything more. It means that whether you’re down or up, you’re ok because you are generally happy. Money is but a temporary bliss. You can lay on a bed of cash but when your stomach is full and you’ve had all your bodily pleasures, you succumb to your heart’s desires and no money can give you that.

Shift your focus to your needs. From time to time, remember that there’s a poor man out there who has to literally go through garbage just to be able to feed his family. Ask a prisoner the value of freedom and you will learn to love yours. Stop a moment and think of the things that really makes you feel contented. Then give thanks that you’re alive and healthy and has been given the gift to experience life….

Are you one of those people who grew up in a family that you know loves each other but just not showy about it? Not showy in terms of “physical sweetness” or “not- really-used to saying-I love you” kind of thing. Sure, they know that you love them but there’s always room to make a relationship better, right?

I have been away from my family for most of my life and have only re-kindled my “close” relationship with them the past year. I have noticed that the family house have become kind of a dorm where people have their own spaces and they come and go without anyone else’s knowledge and pass each other around the house without so much as an acknowledgement. My mom and dad are divorced but dad stayed in the house in a separate bedroom helping out with the rent instead of moving out and paying for his own. My brother Jay (the youngest) got married at a really young age and cannot afford to live on his own yet. So he and his wife with their two kids have their own bedroom in the house while the living room has turned into a semi-day care center. My second sister Rachel has moved to a studio apartment at the back to get away from all the chaos in the house where my other sister Mindy would have her friends over almost every day and play music and such. Rachel’s pretty conservative, involved with church activities and pretty much keeps to herself while Mindy is the extrovert kind of girl that makes her friends more like her family instead of her siblings. Being all together like this would have been a great setting for my mom who is old-fashioned and would keep her kids around her forever if she could but as you can now imagine, the family’s situation is far from the word “ideal”.

It wasn’t always like this. During my pre-teen years, when we were all together, we would eat our meals, attend church, go to parties and outings ALL TOGETHER. Those were the days….

The other night, Rachel and I were talking about the family’s situation and I couldn’t help but cry when I heard her views about it. Though we all know that we can count on her when we really need her help, she had already made herself very much detached to the family. She would go in the main house just to watch her favorite cable show (since she doesn’t have one) or eat when she didn’t have food in her apartment. That’s about how far her relationship is with them.

Though different families sure have different issues, the distant relations between Rachel, Mindy, Jay and my parents are neither new nor rare. They are the face of every family in the world that has grown apart through the years.

I believe that it's still not too late to glue them back together. It’s NEVER too late for anyone. Here are some of the steps to take that I discussed with Rachel to try and pick up where they all left off thirteen years ago when things were different. Sure, it may never be the same anymore. But this is when it gets even better.

- Greet/acknowledge each other whenever you see them. A simple “hey, Mindy” should do.

- Forgive. Try not to think about the past issues. Always look and move forward with a positive attitude that it will get better.

- Understand. Be the bigger man. If they say something unpleasant or behave unpleasantly, keep your temper low and love them even more. Easy to say here, I know, but sacrifices go a long way…

- Communicate. Send a text message or email if you’re comfortable talking to them yet. Just say “hi, hope you have a good day” or simply update them on anything major that comes up in your life like getting back with an ex, applying for a new job etc.

- Be there for them. If you notice that they are down or troubled, make sure you let them know that you're around whenever they need someone even to just "talk" or hang around with. Find out if they have activities in their lives that you know you can give your moral support just by showing up and attending those activities.

- Establish individual relationships with them by inviting them to dinner even though you know they’re going to say they’re busy.

- Be patient. This is a process that will take time before you see results. But don't give up. We never do to the ones we love…

Sometimes, we feel like we've done everything we can possibly do to make a marriage a happier one. What we don't realize is sometimes, we focus too much on the "big" things like the expected responsibilities and we become either clueless or inconsistent of the little things that make our partner's heart leap. Below are some of the little deeds of love that have proven to make a relationship sweeter.

- KISSES- A kiss in the morning is good way to start your day. Kiss your partner as soon as you wake up. It doesn't always have to be on the lips or on the cheek. It can be on the head, the arm or any exposed part of the skin. Don't worry that it may wake them up. There's no better way to wake up than to a kiss of your loved one. Kiss before you leave for work. Of course, a lingering one is always sweeter than just a peck or a smack but the important thing is, you do it and you do it consistently. Kiss when you come home from work. Just a little something that comforts your partner after a tired day for both of you or for waiting for the other. Finally, a kiss goodnight. This should be tender and shared with a hug. Sometimes, it's when one thing leads to another so a tender kiss is always a good foreplay. If you have been cold to each other for a while, goodnight kisses can be an actual excuse to start to spark up a fire. Four daily kisses. One type of action that takes a second or two. That's less than a minute off your busy day that shows a lot of love that can be shared a lifetime.

- EYE CONTACTS- There are some people that are not comfortable staring at his/her partner's eyes. But if you can have an eye contact with your spouse, say when you're lying down on the bed or eating, it can actually remind you of the first time you had a crush on him. Remember those butterflies in your tummy whenever he called or during your first few dates? Eye contacts rekindles those precious moments and lets you see the love in your partner especially if he is not very vocal about his feelings. You know what they say, the eyes are the windows to ones soul...

- SAYING "I LOVE YOU"- It's true that actions speaks louder than words. But it is important for a partner to hear you say those words sometimes. That's right, it doesn't have to be "every time". In fact, it kind of loses its meaning when you're so used to saying it that it becomes a part of your sentence every time you say goodbye on the phone. Pick a moment. Get your partner's attention before you say it. Say it after making love (good after play foreplay:-)) or when your partner is down to the dumps. Say it like you mean it. If you find yourself unable to say the words, then there maybe bigger problems involved.

So there you go. If you're only doing one or two of these three things already, try all three of them! Remember, it's the little things that matter most.